Practices
Prayer
While we don’t take the monotheistic approach of praying to a single, likely non-existent god, we do have a great deal of faith in the practice of prayer and meditation.
For us, this mostly entails getting baked and watching Trailer Park Boys re-runs, but whatever works for you is fine.
Breathing
Despite our belief in the power of sustained prayer, we acknowledge that one cannot truly experience a spiritual journey by simply sitting on your butt, which is why we make an effort to host regular field trips to the Saint John Oil Refinery, where we regularly practice our “group breathing.”
Each and every Friday we get as close as legally permitted to Irving’s magnificent structure, plop down onto the brown grass and began our regimented breathing exercises, inhaling the oxygen that's been purified by the refinery’s vast and complex filtration system.
Oddly enough, even this practice has been called into question by our detractors, many of whom claim that breathing so deeply of the purified air may be detrimental to our health. But ask yourself, would the Irving family have put the refinery there if it wasn’t in the best interest of our citizens?
I didn’t think so.
Tantric Sex
Over the past couple months, our team has been (rock) hard at work developing several regional-based sex acts designed for optimal pleasure and holistic ecstasy. These include, to name just a few:
--The “Beaverbrook Blumpkin”
--The “Hopewell Rocker”
--The “Dirty Gallant”
All of these moves and more are outlined step-by-step in our informative seven-page pamphlet, “Giving Moosehead: Sex New Brunswick Style” ($6.99, for sale at newsstands province-wide), or in our high-def demonstration videos ($39.99, available out of the trunk of my car. Call ahead. No cops.)
Activities:
Drugs, Sex, Mario Kart and eventually suicide, whenever we get around to it.