David Alward's Spiritual Guidence

Greetings from Nirvana!

It is I, David Alward--politician, former premier and current Messianic High Priest of Alwardism.

Hold on, did he just say Messianic High Priest? Jeez David, how did you come to occupy such a venerate position?
 

Allow me to fill you in on some history...

Last year I was touring across the province, giving motivational speeches to audiences of dozens who were searching for some sort of direction in life.

Looking down at their pathetic little dumb faces, it occurred to me why these people were so useless: New Brunswick has no true spiritual guide. Sure, there are priests, but who would you rather leave your kids with: me, or one of those perverts?

That’s when I decided to shift gears and create this small group in hopes that I may share my beliefs with a community of like-minded folks who feel lost and disenfranchised in their daily lives.

Of course, not everyone remains open-minded about our friendly society. I’ve even heard rumors that we we are some sort of “satanic sex cult.” I would like to take this opportunity to uniformly deny these claims. Firstly, we are in no way connected with the Satanic Church, and haven’t been for months now. Secondly, we can be considered a cult only by the most small-minded and accurate of estimations. As for sex...Honey, you don’t know what sex is until you’ve participated in one of our communal backwood orgies.

I thank you for your interest in our movement and would hereby like to cordially invite you to take part in our emotional, physical and spiritual journey to enlightenment.

Oh, and I almost forgot--there's free Tim Hortons available at all recruitment sessions. Yum!

Shalom,

David Alward